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Finding Myself

The journey back to me after having you

Have you ever found yourself looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back at you? Life has this funny way of giving you circumstances that change you entirely; So much so you are having to search and find the way back to yourself afterwards. This isn’t a bad thing, in fact I believe it to be the best thing that could happen to you. Perhaps you were on a path that no longer served you or you steered too far away from your hearts passions. That’s what happened to me after I became a mom.

I went from the free spirited, go where the wind took me, daring young woman to becoming the sole life source for a tiny human being in less than a year. That short transition catapulted me into shoes I was not big enough to fill. I had to grow in every aspect of my being in order to not only keep this beautiful soul alive, but also thrive in this crazy beautiful, often chaotic world.

“he is my heart outside my body, but also the light that challenges every other dream I’ve ever had.”

Having Adrix has been the biggest challenge and transformation of my life. It has taunted and poked at who I was, who I am, and where I want to go in such a way it makes my heart sick. At the same time however, it has fed me in a way I could never have been fed and filled any other way. It’s a catch 22 because he is my heart outside my body, but also the light that challenges every other dream I’ve ever had.

After waking up from the first year of motherhood I began to doubt who I am now that I have become a mom. There are days, weeks even where I don’t feel like me. I’m not that wanderlust girl anymore even though I still yearn and crave to travel and explore. when I look in the mirror I don’t feel “sexy” by any means, how can I when I have this responsibility of being a mom. In my mind moms aren’t sexy, are we?

Yes, we can be. I have to force that thought some days but believe it’s true, and we don’t have to put the old you in a box to forget about and never come back to.

So how do we find ourselves again?

What we do is take who we were, what we have become, and mesh the two together to re-create who we are now. Because the woman you are now is both. You are neither one nor the other but a hybrid of the two. 

Now where we start our re-creation of ourselves is probably different for everyone and to be honest I’m not sure where you should start. I can tell you however where I started. I began my journey to finding me again through health and fitness. Taking care of myself physically because while I train, move, and sweat I spend individual time with myself. I’m in my head at times arguing not to stop early, to keep going. Other times the conversation leads deeper into what my goals are now and what that looks like with a growing family.

“There will be no vagabonding around the globe like I dreamed when I was little, but I can perhaps take my family with me on adventures.”

It can’t be the same as it was because now I have more to me, but it can be similar.  There will be no vagabonding around the globe like I dreamed when I was little, but I can perhaps take my family with me on adventures. At least that’s what I’ve worked out so far in my head during spin class.

My suggestion to you if you are working on re-creating yourself like I am, start working out. That could mean at the gym, outside at a park, at home doing one of my at home workouts or even taking a group class. Even when you’re in a class full of people, physical fitness is still an intimate experience with yourself.

Why fitness is a tool for re-creation

When you workout you feel things, you feel physical pain yes but you also come across internal resistance, self talk, and times when you will have to face yourself and the limitations you think you have. It’s in those times you have a decision to make: will you cave into those limits, those self critics? Or will you push through the pain and grow? Because don’t let life fool you friend, recreating yourself takes both pain and growth. You can’t have one without the other.

Taken from THE CLASS at THE SPACE in Santa Monica, Ca.

In order to grow into the next version of yourself you need to not only sit with yourself but also face yourself. Facing who you were (giving grace along that road) and who you want to be are connected and finding a space to collide the two requires vulnerability and openness. What better place than while you are pushing yourself physically, releasing endorphine’s to help guide your happy thoughts and sweat away the negativity.

There’s a reason you always feel better after a good workout, you’ve released negative juju and allowed good feelings and hormones to flow through you. It’s why so many become addicted to working out, the after glow feeling is like a natural high. So I’ll leave you with this question to ponder to yourself:

What space do you want to recreate yourself in: a healthy, happy energy flowing one or a negative self talk, binge eating type of space?

If you choose the harder road, the one filled with negative emotions and junk food, know that you will be facing the same issues, the same problems everyday until you finally get fed up with it and decide to change.

If however, you decide the high road, the one allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open to creating this new you, first and foremost I congratulate you. Also, I’d love to help if you feel you need guidance. CLICK HERE to contact me and schedule a free 30 minute consultation call. Lastly, thank you. For stepping up and stepping in to the next version of you.

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