12 insights from Big Sur that revived a struggling pregnancy
May 31, 2019
Full disclosure: This pregnancy has been a hard one. It’s my second time around and thought it was going to be easier since I knew what I was getting myself into. How wrong I was. My first pregnancy was easy, it was when I started taking fun classes and doing things I’ve always wanted to do for the first time ever. I was still able to lift and workout as normal until around week 37, and I had this easy going spirit about me while continuing to work as usual.
This pregnancy… not so much. It’s forced me to stop doing things I love to do while postponing dreams and accomplishments I worked so hard to gain momentum on. I’ve heard moms talk about the sacrifices they have made before, now I feel it too. I watched my own mom not work for 20 plus years to raise us kids but never thought I would give up work like she did. I haven’t had a monthly income in almost two years, having to solely rely on my husband. He welcomed the challenge and has raised up to the occasion. Me however, it’s been hard on the heart making me feel more like a caged bird than the free spirited, go getter I am.
The physical struggles of ripping abdomen muscles and sciatica issues also forced me to stop working out in my first trimester, an aggression release I dearly miss which has led to more emotional outbursts and sadness than I care to admit. My workouts have been reduced to walking, sometimes having to stop due to cramping in the stomach and swimming but only barely able to swim 600 yards some days due to a fatigued body. The emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on has been quite the ride, due in part to not having my energy release like I’m used to.
Here is the good news!
With rain comes flowers and this past weekend up in Big Sur I received a glimpse of sunlight. Being up there in nature restored my hope and also helped me find some aha moments I had been missing. It’s funny how getting you out of your norm and finding silence amongst the trees is what most people need to find the answers they’ve been seeking. By getting out of my bubble, sitting is silence for sometimes hours, journaling, hiking, sitting in freezing river water, deep conversations with my husband, breathing in fresh mountain air, and allowing myself to rest gave this girl the break I needed to find new found insights I’d like to share with you now.
Everything happens for you as a tool and lesson and not to you. You can either decide to grow and become better from it, or grow bitter from it. But the choice is always yours on how you will use what life is giving you to grow.
In order to reach higher dreams and goals you cannot stay the way you are. The uncomfortable times in your life are meant to push you into your next self IF you go through the pain, breath through it, and work within yourself to transform. The hard circumstances is the work you put in to get to the dream on the other side.
By letting go of things that no longer serve you you’re allowing space for more important things. For me, I now have time to write my book which I am waist deep in the trenches with, something I’ve always wanted to do. I never would have started if I wasn’t forced to stop doing some things I love to do, which in turn enabled me to start writing my book, a goal I’ve had for over 10 years.
Go on a social media blackout. It’s funny to think that in order to get better and healthier you have to stop scrolling on your phone but it also makes sense. Social media has taken over our lives in too many ways. When we scroll and see what everyone else is doing, it is hindering us from observing what we are doing, distracting us from the most important story, your own. That’s why I’ve decided to go on my own blackout, to re-organize and assess my life. Let go of things that no longer serve me, and start building the life I want, and not the one life gives me when I’m too busy seeing what everyone else is doing.
I urge you to do the same. Take a time out, give your thumb a rest and tune your brain and heart in to what’s going on in your life. Then change whatever you need to in order to grow into a better one.
5. You can’t be everything to everyone, so stop trying. Last year I had this amazing experience with Shane Dawson that projected me forward and allowed for a lot of growth crazy fast on many of my social media platforms. It felt like overnight I had tens of thousands followers and eyes watching to see what comes next. The only issue was, I wasn’t prepared. I not only didn’t have a clear strategy on what my voice was (I was in the middle of figuring that one out myself) but I also wanted to please everyone. I went through a year of learning and trying new things which helped in some ways, but mostly just led to a lot of lost followers and everyone asking when my next collab with Shane was.
PS: I loved doing that episode with Shane and his crew and I would do it again if it meant helping you on your journey. But that’s not who I am all the time. I don’t hang out with Shane on the norm and he is a busy guy with lots of things going on right now. Maybe in the future, but my voice is different than Shane’s, and thats a great thing! Because we can both reach people the way the other can’t, and there’s so many people out there that need to hear a voice that resonates with them. Shane can relate to so many of you in a way I never could because of his unique walk. Just like I can speak into many others the way he cannot because I’m a mom with my own unique walk. Thats the beauty of collaboration and diversity.
6. That last point leads me to this one. When you are in a season of nothing happening in your life, use the rest wisely. Enjoy it and build yourself from the inside out. Rest is not just sitting around twirling your thumbs waiting for the next thing to come. It’s about putting in the internal work in preparation for what’s coming. I have big plans and dreams for my future, but I’m not the person I need to be yet in order to make the most of what’s coming, but I will be. So the next experience that projects me forward, I’ll be ready for it. Well, at least as ready as I can be.
7. It doesn’t matter what other people think. Let’s be real, They’re too busy with their own ish to really care about what you are doing anyway. They might for a time when you are in the headlines whether it’s in your school, community, or even national news; but then you become yesterday’s news and everyone goes back to their own problems. So you do you boo boo and leave the critics to their own demise, because what they say about you isn’t about you, it’s about them.
8. What others say about you and to you says more about them than it does about you. When people say you can’t do something, or the risk is too great, or your idea will never make it they are speaking their own fears into your life. Someone somewhere told them the same thing about a dream they had and they believed it or they failed at something and they never got back up from it. Don’t let their limiting beliefs in their life bring you down too. Failing is essential if you want to succeed, the important thing to remember is you WILL fail, time and time again but know the more important truth:
You are limitless as long as you keep going. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
9. Pregnancy specific: having children is a blessing not given to many. Pregnancy is hard, parenthood is legit hard in more ways than I knew possible. I’ll tell you another thing, it’s SO worth every second of every giggle, cry, snuggle, and tantrum given. Having children is one of my biggest dreams that I am so blessed and happy to experience. I’ve postponed some dreams in order to live out this one, and it is worth it. If you’re struggling with the same type of things I’m struggling with, do me a favor. Close your eyes, take a breath, and then give your baby boy or girl a hug, because the small stages fly by.
10. Explore. Get out of your day to day bubble. Go see new places, take a walk in a different town, go on hikes on dirt trails, breath in mountain air or beach air or desert air, whatever tickles your fancy. Just go! It’s out there in the un-explored places you’ve never been where the best ideas, the best insights, the best you comes out and play. In order to feel alive you need to get up and do things that make you feel that way, exploring new places is one of the best ways to feel that. If you haven’t been to Big Sur, I highly recommend it and camp at Big Sur Campgrounds and cabins, they were amazing and the atmosphere can’t be beat.
11. Everything is phasal. Wherever you are at in this moment is just a phase. Whether its a good one or a bad one, both will change eventually and that is a guarantee. For me its my hard time coping with this second pregnancy and putting my life dreams on hold to raise my babies, but yours could be entirely different. Know that all phases in the end will feel short and like they flew by and you will miss certain parts of these years. Find space during this time to enjoy the little moments that make you smile and take your breath away. They are there in the mix of your frustration because all times have a mixer of both good and bad, you only need to look to find them.
12. Nature is the key that slows time. Most of us live in an urban jungle of some sort. We are surrounded by buildings and streets, technology and pet robots that control our lives, and materialistic malls and shopping centers that distract us from what we truly want out of life. It’s when we leave these places and go where its calmer, real and raw, where time slows way down that we are able to reconnect with ourselves. Time slowed down in a way up in Big Sur that allowed my thoughts and heart to catch up with life and figure things out on their own. There were no distractions, no agendas, no clocks telling us when to be where. It was just us, in the trees, with the whole day to either fill or sit in stillness. It was a magical feeling that lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders and allowed me to just be. That’s when all these insights and lessons came, when I was open and free to just be me. I pray you go and do the same. Find some nature and a day or three to just sit and be free to be you with no distractions. Life will feel lighter, freer, and with more possibility than you knew you had.
Did this article help you or do you know someone this article would help? Share with a friend and comment below your thoughts on these insights.
Also, have you ever been to Big Sur? If yes, what was your experience like?